It’s official, they’re gonna have to edit the skin over at bradpenny.com

“After going unclaimed on waivers, former Red Sox pitcher Brad Penny signed with the Giants on Monday, SI.com has learned.”

As the old adage goes, you must really suck if another team is willing to pay you not to play for them.

“The Giants will have to pay Penny only the pro-rated remnant of a $400k MLB minimum salary (i.e. under $100k), with the Boston Red Sox picking up the remainder of his $5M salary this year.”

So Mr. Fastball has finally found a team willing to take him, and I’m actually a bit surprised that the Giants scraped the bottom of the barrel for pitching. Seeing as how he heavily relies on one pitch, and that pitch has lost a bit of zip, it’s more of a liability, than the “depth” they so presume.

He didn’t necessarily leave on good terms with the Dodgers after he claimed that some of the staff was out to get him, or that they were spreading rumors that he was bullshitting an injury. The clubhouse last year sounded more like an episode of Cuna de Lobos than a major league locker room. People talking behind other’s backs, deceit, sexual tension…well maybe not that part, unless Milano, or Dushku were allowed into the clubhouse (how the fuck does he land these chicks? It’s beyond me). Larry Bowa put it best when he basically just responded to Penny saying [to paraphrase], “Oh yeah, that fatty douchebag? Fuck that guy. Put that on your fucking dot-com”. I’d be honored to quote that…if that’s what he actually said. He really said,

“You mean the same guy who was never on time, out of shape and has one complete game? He has more stuff to worry about in the A.L. East than me. He has to worry about getting people out. He was never on time, was out of shape and never helped the kids out. Put that on the (expletive) dot-com. Put it in the headline.”

I don’t see how this helps the Giants, but I’m marking my calendar for September 11th, 12, and 13th, followed by the home games on the 18th, 19th, and 20th where I’m sure he’ll receive the Nomar Garciaparra treatment, except more deserved. Going off topic for a bit, I still don’t know why people booed Nomar. Fuck you if you did. Yeah, I said it. I’ll meet you outside the cafeteria after school so we can settle this with a good old fashioned knife fight.

Anyway, I’m glad another gas can has been added to the Giants so he can help Starvin’ Merkin fan the flames from the bullpen. I say bullpen because I don’t see potential NL Manager of the Year Bruce Bochy giving Penny a start. (shout-out to Diamond from Diamond Notes. I was going to file a missing person’s report when he went missing).